It’s the first post of the new year. Unfortunately, the new year doesn’t guarantee a new start. It’s seems like problems that I face in the second half of 2009 has spilled over in 2010. I can keep ranting on how there’s no jobs still out there and how pessimistic it’s going to be. Instead, I’m going to rant on something else (in a more personal level).

Throughout my life to this point I’ve always try to find a way people can identify me by. I’ve gone through many changes while growing up and those times I tried to fit in, I always get the feeling of being out of place. I never really had true friends while I was in both high school and college and did a lot of things on my own accord. Fast forward to right now and it’s still the same as it was when I was started high school.

I’d try to connect with my coworkers at where I used to work, but I always felt real uncomfortable due to how the act during work and how they describe their out of work life. I try to make friends online but just recently I felt that most of them are just uninterested in me. Plus, I got a sense that most of them are well-off while I’m badly off. Finally, with my cousins I used to be close to them. However, recently, I feel there are gaps between me and the rest of them. I used to go out with them on weekends and try to enjoy. Now, I just don’t feel like hanging with most of them due to our differences.

In conclusion, it seems like I’m heading towards the direction of being a lone wolf until the day I die. It’s definitely not going to help me not only in the social level, but also in a professional environment. I guess I’ve been screwed by one too many to the point I just don’t trust anyone. It’s like a quote from The Wild Ones’ T-Shirt that I own: “Creating Enemies Faster Than They Can Kill ‘Em”. It’s not something that anyone should be proud of displaying on their chest. However, that’s how it is for me for most of my life.